OTE shut down? What do you think?

[IDBUG]

First the positive: what did I get out of OTE? Above all, I found new friends, reconnected with some old ones, was able to vent my anger and know I wasn't alone.

I also got the knowledge that there was damage being done to that cult, and that there was a way for parents to research what their kids might be getting into. That was extremely valuable to so many people.

I think MBB made the right decision too. And again, I was encouraged by his post. It also showed me that he did listen a little, in spite of all the other stuff.

Besides, it's only for a couple of months. Some people are acting like it's a @*$!# funeral. I highly doubt it will stay closed, or maybe someone else will start something in its place.

I am also so grateful that this place is here. This is a wonderful thing. Thanks WD and WM for doing this!

Now for the GRRRR stuff I HAVE to say (sorry, I'm really tired of holding back):

gh said:

At the risk of setting off a flurry of (I swear we weren’t sending PMs about you, oops did that go to you?!?!?!) PMs saying "GH is sooooooooooooooooooooo fucked up,” I’ll give you my take.

So that's what happened. I am surprised things would sink just that low.

After all of this, I feel on the edge of the "give me a reason" stage. I know there are PMs about me too, but I'm sure they're not as nice as the ones about GH. I had an illusion, brought on by some PMs I had received, but it's worn off big time. I know better now.

Like GH, the only one I believe is genuine is G2S.

I'm really sorry that people tore you apart like that, GH, and I can't tell you how it makes my blood boil. I guess there's not much else I can say but that. I just ... above all I hate seeing a dear friend hurt like this.

--T

[-]

Thanks P. And you know what, I'm not the only one who has been kicked around. You and Kata took a few good blows too. And I'm sorry that happened.

I don't know what PMs were sent about anyone else. Just the one sent to me, about me. Again, RIGHT after I was being reassured that such things weren't happening. It really does drive home the point why the board needs to be closed.

[IDBUG]

gh said:

Thanks P. And you know what, I'm not the only one who has been kicked around. You and Kata took a few good blows too. And I'm sorry that happened.

I don't know what PMs were sent about anyone else. Just the one sent to me, about me. Again, RIGHT after I was being reassured that such things weren't happening. It really does drive home the point why the board needs to be closed.

Thanks GH.

I agree. I think it's another symptom of the "gossip column" atmosphere that BI referred to. Kinda twisted.

As for PMs about me, I'm not directly aware of any about me either, but common sense tells me there have got to be some, because I'm just such a mean and nasty b!tch. But that's ok. I think I'd be a little disappointed if there weren't any.

And please don't feel bad about my blows. You're not responsible for any of them. In fact, I feel bad about those you guys received, because I feel like I drew you all into it when I told you what "marie" posted over there. I didn't mean to draw anyone in, I just ... I don't know....

Besides, I feel strongly about everything I've said, and I'd stand up and fight about it again if needed. I hope it's not needed, but I'm not really optimistic on that idea.

--T

[Sonia]

I believe that OTE was a good idea in theory, and it did answer a lot of questions I always had, and wouldn't have ever found out without it. It was nice to know that all the suspicions I had about the group, without ever knowing for sure, turned out to be true. Just being able to place the label of "cult" on my experiance made it easier for me to identify that part of my life for it what it was. Rather than the, "well, I was in a group, and I couldn't this, and I felt like that, but I had to act like this, and I had all these beliefs, that don't make sense now, but did back then..."

I think the best thing that came out of OTE was the people I met here, the people I used to chat with back in the early days of the other site. I didn't know most people here from the group, or the ones I did I have very faint memories of, so it was nice to talk with people that could get where I'm coming from, without having to get past any predisposed opinions on who I had been seven years ago.

The late night chats were always something I looked forward to at the end of the day. I had been going through a rough time about a year and a half ago. Three years ago I moved across the state to raise my daughter with my (now) husband, and I stayed home, so I was in a new place, I felt disconnected from my friends, resented my husband for the move (which was my choice, but I was alone all day and let the angry thoughts fester in my mind), and I had a new baby that I was trying to raise when I knew nothing about babies and had never grown up around other kids. Added to other daily stresses such as money, and the adult time I was lacking my life. Basically I was isolated and depressed, and the end of night chats where my own personal escape from the daily depression.

I'm so glad this site is here, and WD and WM are keeping it going. I go through bouts of posting, and just reading, but I like the people that post here, and I like that I can say what's on my mind when I feel like it.

I'd also like to say that Kata, P, and GH, you all kick so much ass, and fuck anyone who says any different. I don't really get into the drama that goes on, unless I'm just throwing in my two cents, but you three ladies have balls of steel, and I respect how you put yourselves out there to speak the truth. It's shitty that people were talking about you behind your back GH, I have never known you to be anything other than kind and genuine, and I always enjoy what you have to say.

It's sad that the other site has become what it has, but at least the cult information will still be up, and that is what people seeking help can look to for answers.

[mzdiagnosed]

gh said:

Now it is official. The OTE board will be ‘locked’ for the summer.

Good. I think mbb made the right call here. I also think he made some good points.

What did other people glean from OTE? I think some people were really and truly helped. I think some people were put in touch with professional help that was desperately needed. What about you? What did it do for you?

I think it's good too, GH.
What did I glean from OTE? Hmmm.
I think my experience may be a little different since I have been anonymous. I did contact away from the board a couple of people I really wanted to contact. This didn't result in the revival of old friendships so much as it allowed me to finally close the door on them and stop asking myself questions about what they were doing now and how they felt about me. I feel pretty peaceful about it.

I did learn a lot from people's posts about some of the residual effects the program had on their personality. Being very defensive and having a "take no shit" attitude with people who showed slight disagreement with me, overcompensating for the mistrust that was created in the group, paranoia that people were talking about me all the time (at work and in social situations), not knowing how to take criticism without feeling I was "getting ripped a new one," not knowing how to defend myself without unleasing a fury from hell and making someone else feel like shit, alienating myself from group situations. The list goes on and on. Although I was aware of myself in many ways before, I often read about these things and sometimes watched people display these behaviors there and I recognized these traits in myself in a different way. When I saw behavior that reflected these things on the boards, it made me more resolved to stay anonymous. I can't honestly say that was a bad decision.

I tried to make thoughtful posts. Sometimes I didn't, particulary in the beginning but most of my anger was directed at people who are still there, still... Either way, it was quite a "ride" as mbb said. I still struggle with the "cult" issue even though I used the term to describe my experience in the past. Something about that makes me feel like I am not recognizing something important about me and what made/makes me tick. Honestly, I don't know enough about it to make that call. Will saying that free or change me somehow? I don't know. I am glad to have a break from it.

I have more fun here. Not to say that many things written there didn't make me smile or laugh out loud.

That's all.
Thanks for asking, GH!