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I say what I mean
And I mean what I say

But I never meant to hurt anyone
In any way.

The content of this post has been deleted by the author. To my knowledge it has not be archived in any other forum.

[Kata6]

I don't think it's sinister (all of it, anyway).

I think for the most part, the staff really care about the people in the group. And in their own warped minds, believe that they are helping people. We all know that their ideas of helping others are a bit twisted, but I do think they are doing it because they care and they believe in what they do. I believed, I think we all did.

I guess that's why it's hard for me, all these years later, to resent people from back then. I haven't gone through what a lot of people have, so maybe that explains some of it, but at the same time, I still really believe that they cared (in their own warped way). Of course, I'm not going to make a blanket statement that they all care, because I don't think that's the case. There are one or two people that I can think of that belong to the sinister part of this post.

GH, I'm really surprised that this person was so civil to you and even agreed to meet you. I think it's a good thing. I just assumed that outsiders would be treated like they had the plague by group members/staff, that's the way it was when I was there.

Let us know how it goes.

[casper]

I don't know how anyone else felt really, I only know for sure what I thought and felt while in the program. I know I truly believed I was doing the right thing and geuinely cared about everyone I knew and worked with.
A few months before I left, I knew something wasn't right but followed the guidance of Clint etc and assumed I was all fucked up. Looking back, I knew there was a lot of bad shit going on but after eleven years of being told I'll die without the program I was a litle apprehensive to do anything about it.
I like the concept of "anything done out of love can be fixed" and if looked at honestly there are very few things that most of the staff did that weren't out of love. Misguided maybe, but well intentioned none the less. That being said, I do not think that the intentions of ALL staff are good. I think the intentions of Bob,Joy,Clint and Wendy are purely financial gain and power. Renae's I think are to remain in the good graces of the meehan family. Those people I agree are evil and as you sugested, sinister.
None of this is to justify my misguided advice to people or actions that may have possibly seriously affected people's lives. I'll regret forever some of the things I did and saying "I meant well, or I was following orders" is no excuse.

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Yes, Kata I was surprised that everyone was nice. And everyone WAS nice. From the gal answering the phones to the person I spoke with.

[IDBUG]

No, your'e right GH, most people are indeed under the impression they are doing the right thing, besotted with all aspects of the cult. After all, it is a cult.

My view is a little different with regard to one person, however. Looking back on the group I can see how most counselors/members in the group really did sincerely care, in their own ways. As for the counselors, after all, they lived on nothing to do what they did, whatever their reasons.

For me there is one glaring exception, someone who touched my life in a very negative, twisted way, whom I cannot forgive or trust at all. That person showed nothing but a lack of sincerity and yes, a twisted sickness, in my eyes. I think this goes beyond personal vendetta at this point, I got out most of my anger way back at TSTSNBN, but it still just makes me sick to think this person works with children....

Anyway... That's all I've got to say.

--T