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[webmistress]

no, and thank you GH for your poignant post...

[hemight]

I don't think any of us will ever get our viginity back. The experiences, good and bad, that I had changed the core of who I am, good and bad, and that will never leave me. I really do like the person I am today. I really do like that I don't think the same as anyone in my day to day life. I really do like that I found this and the other not to be named place because it opens a window into my past. No one I know really even knows about this place. I spent a good many years not thinking of the program in any way shape or form, and one day I received an e-mail guiding me to the strange world of recovery from recovery. I am not here to recover from anything. I didn't search this place out, it searched for me for some reason. I like that you people speak my language and I like to see names from the days of yore. I will be honest, I look in at least 4 or 5 times a day to see if anything new has been added. What can I say I get bored at work.

[mzdiagnosed]

Good question. I thought a lot about this but I really don't think there is an easy answer. For me, "recovery" came by (in no particular order)
leaving the group, by getting real counseling, by using Zoloft, liquor and whatever else to ease the harsh realities of my new "normal" life, by speaking to my family and regaining honest relationships with them, by getting a job, by being depressed, by being obnoxiously single, then later marrying, listening to live music and doing all the shit I wasn't sposed to do, being angry, talking shit, more counseling, maintaining friendships with some close ex-cult people, making new friends, reading life changing books, going to college, traveling etc etc.
By the time TSTSNBN came I had done all this so it is only one tiny tiny tiny part of the person I am now. No denying that at first it's very emotional to see all those names, to feel all that hurt again but also to feel the hope of reclaiming some friendships or speaking something out loud to a bigger audience. After a while it "gets old" as GH said (actually I should have said it got old as GH suspected it may) and often reminds me of a meeting or a purpose. I don't think it's a stretch imagining that a bunch of ex-cult members have a hard time communicating.
So I guess maybe it's just another part of the attempt to recover. Something we all do in our own way.

[IDBUG]

I like what you all said, especially mzdiagnosed, about the attempt to recover.

Before I saw TSTSNBN I felt pretty alone. I was just making my way and didn't interact socially with anyone. My time in the cult severely clouded my perspective on people, besides the fact that I'm a social retard anyway, but there was a much bigger wall around me than there is now.

Granted, some stuff has gotten old, mostly the whole bizarre desire of people to fix whatever it is I want to complain about by making it go away or making everybody stop talking about it (something I didn't ask for, just wanted to air my feelings on), and the whole secrecy "something big is happening but we aren't going to directly address it because the little people aren't supposed to know bullsh!t".

Ok I'm ranting now.

But I think that it has provided a great step to something like recovery for me, although, like GH said, I'll never be whole again, and my family will certainly never be whole again either. At least I can function much better now. The trick, for me anyway, is to keep that progress going, even when it gets old and I feel alone or invisible.

--T

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[IDBUG]

I know nothing about Karen, but your post definitely still has validity, GH.

All the issues that have been brought up about that whole situation still have solid validity in my eyes.

--T